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6 Life Lessons I Learned Working with Mediums

Real life can be stranger than fiction. Co-writing books with mediums, who communicate with spirits, is no exception. Here are a few important life pointers I picked up along the way.

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During my career as a published author and national magazine writer, I’ve mostly chased stories related to relationships, pop culture, and natural health—but recently, I’ve fallen into a curious niche. For the past five years, I’ve helped famous mediums and intuitive counselors write their best-selling books about the souls—including deceased loved ones, angels, guides, and other divine beings—that love and support you from the mysterious and elusive Other Side.

As these authors’ co-writer, I take on their voices and turn information that’s channeled from a far-off realm into a useful, accessible read. This can get a little weird and heavy at times, but it’s good fun, too. Hearing from my deceased Nana during an interview and learning I was a medicine man in a past life are all in a day’s work. Even off the clock, I’ve had an angelic assist in navigating a tough adoption process, choosing doctors during a health issue, and finding my lost wedding ring (twice)!

At this point, I could write my own book about how such a career detour has impacted my relationships and beliefs (you want to sit next to me at a dinner party), but I’m just as grateful for the subtler lessons I’ve gleamed en route. Here are my top six for a happier, more satisfying life.


Related: Your August Horoscope Is Here—BIG Changes Ahead


#1: Embrace your spirituality, but don’t be too open.

I’ve come to believe that we all have angels, spirit guides, and other souls that help us make wise choices by communicating via our intuition. And we are meant to use their prompts to direct us to meaningful people and opportunities. But we also have free will, and I’ve noticed there’s such a thing as being too open. The universe isn’t only Heaven as it’s depicted in the Bible, and it’s not just a black sky full of light beings from other dimensions. It is an enormous space full of all kinds of energy, and you must put boundaries around how open you are to interacting with it. I’ve noticed that people who invest too much time in seeing shamans and psychics, worrying about evil “clinger” spirits, and taking photos in the dark to look for orbs can make themselves vulnerable to negative energy. I actually believe that the mediums I’ve worked with are so divinely blessed because they have strong faiths and only interact with positive souls that respect their priorities. They are protected and guided as a result, and you want to be too.

#2: Seek balance, not perfection.

It seems that it’s rarely healthy to take any mind, body, or soul practice to an extreme—whether you’re meditating 10 hours a day or exercising to the point of exhaustion. I was forced to navigate an ugly Lyme diagnosis while writing one of these books, and it was very tempting to throw every modality and practice against the wall to see what might stick—allopathic specialists, energy healers, acupuncturists, osteopaths, massage therapists, saunas, homeopathy, Lyme disease yoga (yup, that’s a thing). But over and over, my authors channeled that less was more. I was told to build a worldly, but limited team of super smart practitioners, and only allow one spiritual healer access to my energy field as I was mending it. I was advised to replace a weekly health visit with an activity I enjoyed that would lift my mood—and not to become the illness by giving into fear or anger. I was to listen to my body above all else. Balance is what helped me through, and it is a lesson that translates into every facet of our lives.

#3: Being positive is more than just a platitude.

I used to roll my eyes when I was told to “be positive!” because it sounded like such a generic, cheap band-aid to real problems. But now? I follow my authors’ leads. It’s hard to ignore how happy and fulfilled they are as they make positivity, gratitude, and humor a way of life. And when I thank God, lift others up, and limit conversations that bring me down, life flows for me and those around me, too. Laughter is also huge, huge, huge. I’ve started watching one funny clip on YouTube a day (usually, James Corden’s “Carpool Karaoke”; the one with SIA is my favorite) to make sure I giggle until I cry in a good way. It affects my mood, health, marriage, parenting—it’s everything.


Related: The New Science on the Power of Positivity


#4: It can happen to you.

Because mediums connect with those who’ve passed, I’ve heard some dark details of far too many tragedies—and they’re hardly flukes. A lot of seemingly “rare” departures recur among my authors’ clients. Rather than ignore their frequency or let them paralyze me with dread, I try to learn from them by being a little more cautious than I’m otherwise inclined. (There’s a fine line between living in fear and living with awareness, and I walk it every day.) In practice, this means keeping a close eye on my toddler when he’s in or near water, thinking twice before swimming in a lake, asking about interactions between OTC drugs and prescription meds, defensive driving, and telling others that if a fiancé, ex, or baby daddy is abusive and owns a gun to get out. Above all, I make sure my family always knows I love them because tomorrow really is an unknown.

#5: Sometimes a butterfly is just a butterfly.

Spirit sends us signs and symbols to reassure and guide us, but if you spend all day wondering if every bird, penny, and gust of wind is a cue or hello from Heaven, you’ll go bananas. You might even feel confused and disappointed, trying to figure out which signs are valid and why you may not see them every day. A true sign is simple and clear: It arrives at a meaningful time (like during a crisis or coincidence) and has some kind of significance to you (Grandma always liked ladybugs, and here’s one on your bathroom mirror). Notice it, say “thank you,” and move on.

#6: You can use the word “journey” too much.

I’m guilty of overusing the term “journey” and feel partly to blame for this! Technically, there’s nothing wrong with talking and thinking in these terms, but it’s so cliché at this point. It can start to lose its significance—and your personal journey is anything but insignificant. There have got to be more exciting ways to refer to your unique path. Maybe life isn’t so much a journey as… a conga line? After what I’ve experienced, I’m leaning toward a summer popsicle—sticky and fleeting, but pretty delicious.

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