I want to let go of my fear. That general fear of what if everything goes wrong. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of disappointment, fear of death, fear of pain, fear of hurting others—the stuff that gets in the way of love—needs to be gone. I am sick of living in the past or wondering about what is next in my future. I am ready to live in the moment. Live in the now.
Knowing I can embrace all the failing in myself allows my body to move. I want to feel the energy of my feet hitting the ground as I propel across grass and dirt, and let my heartbeat become stronger and breath change and lengthen. The fast walking on an uneven road base erases the ugliness in my head. All the responsible and unnecessary thoughts sweep out and organize themselves. Living in the minute has begun—and not just the moment like you read about on a t-shirt or heard about in a cheesy cliché. For a minute, joy fills your soul. That same joy a young child may experience seeing the ocean for the first time, or when a friend’s great joke makes you laughs deep inside your belly. This is personal brightness, which encompasses everything and lives forever inside you. My strides forward get me closer to that type of joy.
I keep moving my body until I break out in dance. I feel the wood floor creaking softy under my feet. Joy surrounds me. I glide past my issues. I move from my worries about the next chore. All the odd thoughts of my day spin out. Did I defrost meat for dinner? Is my child eating enough healthy stuff to balance the junky stuff? Am I making enough money to cover everything? Do I need to put clothes into the washer or the dryer next? Am I selfish because I need some exercise to stay sane? Is my son missing me while I am gone to a body fit class? Then dance changes to slow motion. Hips roll like a belly dance. I become exuberant. The redundant thought slips by.
I sway to thoughts about God and how the world is so much bigger than I am. How much love and happiness is here on earth. My environment is grand and great. I have become an enriched woman. I am good and loved and becoming healthy. Finally, thoughts become silent as I take a deep breath and slow the movement of my feet. Everything has processed and I trust my mind has everything where it should be.
My feet come together. Motion stops. I am bending at the knees and sinking down. Everything in me relaxes. Peace enters in from my nose. I am sitting calmly feeling my head over my shoulders, my shoulders over my hips, my hips above my heels. I have found my total nirvana. My soul is calm. Lightness, mental freedom, and softness come. Levity caresses me from head to toes. The darkness is gone. I am alive. I become everything I am. I accept and love myself.
I am so grateful for my life. I am thankful to God; thankful that I am able to see it. The peace and serenity make my life calm. Like a cow and calf grazing in a pasture. A life opens to be anything. A clear head and the rhythm of my heart are my own song. I enjoy the tug of my muscles. The delicate soreness in my toes tells me I have pushed my body just the right amount. My lungs have expanded and I know I have a true change of breath. A breath, that is soothing. It is like a culvert pipe with smooth lake water spilling from it. That happiness has started. That joy pushes from within. My body and soul have merged. There is a part of me who is love. The part that knows I am okay. I have no worries over all the fear of my life. No worry of what did I do or didn’t finish. Not thinking about life. Just knowing it is all right. Knowing and accepting. Like my own personal reset button.